Cam and I have been reading a book by Mark Buchanan entitled: The Rest of God. It was lent to us by some dear friends who care deeply for us. After graduation in April, through much prayer and conversation Cam and I decided to take a year to "rest" before we jumped into any type of full time ministry. A lot of people have asked us what this looks like, wondering if we have been diving into new areas of interest or taking up new hobbies. Some of this has been taking place, but both Cam and I realized that even after the dust of a busy year has settled and since we've had a lot more time on our hands, we still don't quite understand what "rest" is or at least have perverted it.
At first we thought, oh yeah, now we can go to the gym, read a book we want to read, watch movies and TV, hang out with friends, go for walks, etc, etc. Yet, all of these things though good in moderation were/have not been the answer to resting.
Lately I have felt as though I am in a time of internal tension. The longer I allow the tension to build, I feel as though I am in labor pains. Spiritual labor pains; God is birthing something new within me. I have realized that I am a great "Truth" talker especially about the importance of Sabbath, but not great at living "Truth." I constantly stand at the gates of the city peering in, speaking of all its great and wonderful attributes and yet do not step past the threshold.
Am I scared or am I just stubborn? Perhaps both, but as I have sat (literally sat in silence) contemplating what I'm scared about or why I'm stubborn, it dawned on me that I am on the edge of eternity.
I am in a space between what Jason Upton calls: "the graveyard and the garden" and here there will always be a tension. A tension between the flesh and the Spirit, the old and the new, busyness/striving and rest. A tension to be satisfied with the status quo or to cross the threshold.
"I don't know where I'm going, I've been blinded by the Truth. Between the graveyard and the garden, there's a road that leads to You" ~ Jason Upton
I'm taking that road ... its a constant tension: its hard, its easy, its scary, its peaceful, its slavery, its freedom, its valleys, its mountain peaks, its death, its life, its home and it is rest.
