Between the Graveyard and the Garden

Cam and I have been reading a book by Mark Buchanan entitled: The Rest of God. It was lent to us by some dear friends who care deeply for us. After graduation in April, through much prayer and conversation Cam and I decided to take a year to "rest" before we jumped into any type of full time ministry. A lot of people have asked us what this looks like, wondering if we have been diving into new areas of interest or taking up new hobbies. Some of this has been taking place, but both Cam and I realized that even after the dust of a busy year has settled and since we've had a lot more time on our hands, we still don't quite understand what "rest" is or at least have perverted it.

At first we thought, oh yeah, now we can go to the gym, read a book we want to read, watch movies and TV, hang out with friends, go for walks, etc, etc. Yet, all of these things though good in moderation were/have not been the answer to resting.

Lately I have felt as though I am in a time of internal tension. The longer I allow the tension to build, I feel as though I am in labor pains. Spiritual labor pains; God is birthing something new within me. I have realized that I am a great "Truth" talker especially about the importance of Sabbath, but not great at living "Truth." I constantly stand at the gates of the city peering in, speaking of all its great and wonderful attributes and yet do not step past the threshold.

Am I scared or am I just stubborn? Perhaps both, but as I have sat (literally sat in silence) contemplating what I'm scared about or why I'm stubborn, it dawned on me that I am on the edge of eternity.

I am in a space between what Jason Upton calls: "the graveyard and the garden" and here there will always be a tension. A tension between the flesh and the Spirit, the old and the new, busyness/striving and rest. A tension to be satisfied with the status quo or to cross the threshold.

"I don't know where I'm going, I've been blinded by the Truth. Between the graveyard and the garden, there's a road that leads to You" ~ Jason Upton

I'm taking that road ... its a constant tension: its hard, its easy, its scary, its peaceful, its slavery, its freedom, its valleys, its mountain peaks, its death, its life, its home and it is rest.

Revelation 21 ~ The New Jerusalem ~

¹Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ²I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

⁵He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

⁶He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. ⁷He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son. ⁸But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

⁹One of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues came and said to me, "Come, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb." ¹⁰And he carried me away in the Spirit to a mountain great and high, and showed me the Holy City, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God. ¹¹It shone with the glory of God, and its brilliance was like that of a very precious jewel, like a jasper, clear as crystal. ¹²It had a great, high wall with twelve gates, and with twelve angels at the gates. On the gates were written the names of the twelve tribes of Israel. ¹³There were three gates on the east, three on the north, three on the south and three on the west. ¹⁴The wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.

¹⁵The angel who talked with me had a measuring rod of gold to measure the city, its gates and its walls. ¹⁶The city was laid out like a square, as long as it was wide. He measured the city with the rod and found it to be 12,000 stadia^a]">[a]in length, and as wide and high as it is long. ¹⁷He measured its wall and it was 144 cubits^b]">[b] thick,^c]">[c] by man's measurement, which the angel was using. ¹⁸The wall was made of jasper, and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. ¹⁹The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. The first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, ²⁰the fifth sardonyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst.^d]">[d] ²¹The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate made of a single pearl. The great street of the city was of pure gold, like transparent glass.

²²I did not see a temple in the city, because the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. ²³The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp. ²⁴The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their splendor into it. ²⁵On no day will its gates ever be shut, for there will be no night there. ²⁶The glory and honor of the nations will be brought into it. ²⁷Nothing impure will ever enter it, nor will anyone who does what is shameful or deceitful, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb's book of life.

I have read this many times before, but have read over the bolded verse several times never paying attention to its significance. Going through a lot right now, especially in what I currently think of "church." I've heard for a long time, it is time to do away with religion. I understand this on a certain level, but I believe He is leading me into a deeper and fuller understanding of what it means to worship in Spirit and in truth . . . I have not realized how deep religion can go, just in my own life.

a time to learn and grow

I think I've lost site of what I'm doing all of this for . . . how did pushing myself to get good grades take place of desiring to learn because I've been given a brain to think, learn and grow? Why am I so focused on trying to make everything perfect? Why do I strive to please people? What's in it for me anyways? a pat on the back? a moment of glory? a moment of praise? How is this transforming, not only for me, but for those around me? God revealed to me that this year was a time to learn and grow. Thinking it was a time to learn and grow in the area of scholastics and academia it has been so much more. I've learned that time is precious and we can either use it beneficially or squander it for fleeting pleasures. I've learned that relationship and community is important as it is edifying, encouraging, where pure love is shared and given, and where the Spirit loves to move. I've learned that sleep is important, no matter how much I want to stay up and watch an episode of The Office! I've learned that eating well and participating in physical exercise does a world of good rather than declining from these easy actions. I've learned that reading can be fun and not a strain on the brain and eyes. I've learned that encouraging others is fun and fills me with joy. I've learned that listening before speaking is soothing and calming. I've learned that spending time with God is not just an option, but is something that my soul and spirit desparately yearn for and need . . . as it is in these times where I have learned all of the aforementioned and even more.

the Kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these

It's 2 am and I can't sleep . . . seems to be happening a lot lately. I've been thinking about how well I used to sleep and how as I have gotten older it has become increasingly harder to have a solid night's rest. What could be carrying on so deep within my mind that I can't set it aside for the night? . . . work? . . . school? . . . tomorrow's plans? . . . how I can't sleep? . . . round and round my mind goes, when it stops no one knows! I think the real question is why is my head so full of worry? It is interesting how fear leads to worry and worry leads to stress. So where is this fear coming from? What am I so afraid of? And why as I have gotten older am I increasingly more fearful? If worrying can not even add one single moment to my life (Matthew 6) why do I allow it to consume my time? Seems a little counter intuitive!?!

Oh Papa, remind of what it is to be a child. A sleeping babe, the essence of the heart of those You say the Kingdom belongs. Don't let me forget! . . . . goodnight . . .

Light for rent

Stop telling me you are set apart. And start living set apart.
Stop telling me you believe. And start believing.
Stop telling me you have faith. And start living like you have faith.
Stop telling me that you will love. And start loving.
Stop telling me you will listen. And start listening.
Stop telling me you will speak. And start speaking.
Stop telling me you will lead. And start leading.
Stop telling me you will go. And start living to go.
Stop telling me that you have gifts. And start using your gifts.
Stop telling me you will follow. And start following.
Stop telling me you want to go deeper. And start diving in.
Stop telling me you're the chosen people. Its time to start living like you're the chosen people.
How long will you rent the light?

the shepherds and the angels ~ Luke 2:8-20 ~

⁸And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. ¹¹Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ^a]">[a] the Lord. ¹²This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."


¹³Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

¹⁴"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

¹⁵When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

¹⁶So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

when the time comes

Can't get this song out of my head, perhaps there's something to it! Take a listen, I'm sure you won't be able to get it out of your head as well!

When The Time Comes

You are wisdom but you ask questions
Thank you God for never telling me a lie

Your decisions are mostly hidden
The stage you stand upon is not for human eyes

You tell me not to worry about tomorrow But I worry anyway
You tell me you’ll take care of all my troubles
Jesus, teach me how to wait

You are future but you are present
Thank you God for never running from your past

You’re committed to your creation
For everything you’ve made your love forever lasts

You tell me not to worry about tomorrow but I worry anyway
You tell me you’ll take care of all my troubles
Jesus, teach me how to wait

When the time comes, I will see forever
When the time comes, It’ll be all right
When the time comes, I will be the one asking why

why did I ever doubt you